i want to create my own sanctuary, my own escape, where everything’s as it should be and i can relax with my own self with no worries at all.

on nights like this

there is music in my head even in the silence and I am at peace as my body sways and relaxes and I sink into a feeling of comfort

who am i even anymore

i don’t even know. i’m just a mess. i want to sink forever into my bed and never come back up. this is too much, but that is also too much, but i don’t know how to balance myself.

i can never decide if i want to get up and do something, or stay put and chill and relax. work is tiring. i’m around people too much and don’t have enough time alone to myself. but then maybe i’ve gotten too used to being around people and now i get somewhat lonely alone. maybe i need to get back used to being alone again… to be ok alone… to be ok on my own… to be independent again…

i feel like i don’t know who i am if i’m not at work or around certain people. these things have somehow become to define me. at least in my own mind.

at work, i’m reliable and the go-to person for everything. around certain people, i’m the adorable kitty that can get away with anything.

now, alone, i just feel like a selfish little prick who can’t get anything done on my own.

so maybe that’s who i’ve become…

my super cute new bento box! rice, chicken, tofu, onion, green bell pepper, ginger :D

more spring blooming in my yard!

home project #1: living room accent wall

i forgot to take a before picture, but it was a semi-textured dark red. i had my sister paint it for me with a cool stripe design, then added floating shelves to house my manga collection ^.^