i got a doggy! i was looking through some shelters online yesterday and saw a pic of this super cute dog, a cavalier king charles and corgi mix. sooo cute! so i went down just to take a look at him, and ended up adopting him prett much on the spot >.>

i’d been looking to adopt a dog for a little while and was even talking to a corgi breeder, but their puppies were quite expensive (cuz they’re corgis) so i was a bit hesitant and looked through petfinder just to see what’s there, and then this guy! XD

he’s 5 so little older, but he’s been pretty calm and good. already house trained and takes walks really well. i think he’s still a bit nervous about the new environment but he’s getting there. he’s mostly been napping a lot haha

took him to a doggy spa today for a much needed bath and now he’s all super soft and smelling nice!

i’m sooo excited, and also nervous. first dog!

the voices were strong last night

they just kept repeating that word over and over and over again as i tried to sleep. i was in my bed for an hour, couldn’t fall asleep, with just the voices in my head and i couldn’t escape it. i got up to take some medicine to try and fall asleep, and it did work, but the minutes before actually falling were still plagued with the voice and the word, just a slower drawl, but still there.

i think i’m having a bad couple weeks…

waffle eating waffles!

is it ok if it’s a different kind of waffle?

the voice in my head…

they come unexpectedly. i’ll be doing something fun and think i’m fine, but the moment i no longer have a distraction, the voice comes back.

by this time, i’ve learned that what the voice says is wrong. untrue. i hear it, and recognize what it’s saying, and it’s sort of like observing myself. it’s like i’m hearing a different person that’s also me, and the me hearing it is trying to realize that it’s someone else and therefore not what i really think. the voice is like a different me trying to convince me that it’s real. i hear what it says and then go, “what?”

i try to ignore it, or push it away, but it stays. so then i try to just, let it say what it wants to say, and then maybe when it’s done it’ll shut up. but it’s all so real. so close. right there. those words. i know they’re wrong. i shouldn’t listen. but they’re just whispering in my head and it won’t go away. not until i find something else to distract myself with. 

but what do i do when i run out of distractions…?

booyah! today was pretty good hehehe

much better!